Long long long overdue.

My food pictures are getting quite old. This was back around mid-September when Eric and I decided on the spur of the moment to make boeuf bourguignon and roasted bell pepper, spinach, and avocado on a toasted baguette. I can also recall Gordon watching the first Green Bay Packers game of the NFL season on TV while crunching away on the baguette sandwich. That was a fun night, though I have to complain how long the boeuf bourguignon took to make since it took me and Eric the whole afternoon to prepare. I guess it was worth it in the end since everyone enjoyed eating the dishes made.

So instead of leaving this blog and allowing it to collect dust, I will try my best in writing in it more often in a less dry, lousy way. After all, I should have learned enough writing techniques in College Writing R1A to allow myself to express myself explicitly and freely, right? I certainly hope so!

What I enjoy most about autumn in Berkeley is seeing the leaves on the trees slowly changing color as the cold winter begins to roll in. Walking on my way to Valley Life Science building, I always notice something different about the scenery and the campus overall. It is really nice to appreciate what is given to us, even at the slightest details. Because of the comfortable weather, I find myself wanting to be outside more often and basking in the sun as the pigment of my skin begins to darken.

While there is so much to gain out of life, losing something or someone always becomes an option, a choice, or even required. I was rather surprised that I have been in a relationship with someone within these last four years, and it was about three weeks ago that I became single. Truthfully, it is a lifestyle that I am still adjusting to and is difficult to adapt to. I am happy to say that I am getting used to it and taking joy in many moments that I have now. Though, the days always bittersweetly end as I begin to think about him. Do I miss him? Of course. But I have learned to accept that I cannot changed what has happened in the past, and knowing that God has much more in store for me and knows that this parting is for the best for us. I will trust Him, and my feet will stand firm in His grace.

Fourth Night.

Forget? Never. You have not left my dreams yet.

Missing.

It is difficult to get through the day not thinking of you. Even if I preoccupy myself with anything that is not related to you… I still find you in my dreams. I find us in my dreams every night. I wake up and my heart would ache while facing reality to go through the day without spending time with you. Was it really something that we can not fix?

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losin’ you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder gettin’ up, gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin’ so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin’ you walk away

And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do, oh
Oh yeah

Rascal Flatts – What Hurts the Most

Unfinished Business

The picture above features a picture that Eric took of his brunch plate at Liaison Bistro. Surprisingly, I found his picture to look alot better than most of the pictures that I have featured on my blog. The plate shown is an Ouefs Liaison, which is poached eggs over Dungeness crab cakes topped with hollandaise sauce. Unlike most restaurants that Eric and I tried over the summer, Liaison Bistro was one of the few that we would be willing to go again since the food is not only delicious, but also the really nice service.

These last few months I’ve been on a long hiatus since summer school was very long and tough, yet busy and enjoyable at the same time. Between the endless nights of starting or revising papers, Eric and I would go on short adventures of either trying out restaurants around the Berkeley area, using each other as guinea pigs and do some experiment cooking, or have weekly gatherings of either watching Studio Ghibli movies or Food Network’s “Who Will Be the Next Food Network Star?” Those adventures definitely kept me sane for the most part of the summer, along with the 14/week work hours that I tried keeping up. In the end, most of my paychecks went down the drain due to shopping. So I decided that I am going to make sure I ban myself from shopping, a nearly impossible challenge to overcome.

Overall, I was very pleased with the grade that I received in the course and I was touched by the words of my instructor on the last day of class. I think out of all the professors that I have had the last few semesters, my College Writing instructor was so far the most effective teacher who pushed my boundaries away and kept me going. I learned alot of things from not only the instructor herself, but also the peers who also helped me drive my essays in the right directions. But I would not have gone this far without Eric’s help, and I really apologize since I feel bad for making him come over all the time in the wee hours to help me with my essays. Looking back, I am very happy to have taken this class since it really showed that 1) I don’t completely fail at writing anymore and 2) the work really pays off.

It’s great being back at home again and seeing my family. There were also several things that I was surprised with since my sister changed the look of our room (yay! we have a sofa!) and our bathroom downstairs is having a beauty makeover. I really miss having a dog in Berkeley, I think I am having withdrawal symptoms since I squeal at every dog I come across. Seeing friends was great too, especially with really cheap dim sum!  Gah, I wish I can afford at DSLR! I was playing around with Eric’s and now my urge of getting one has only gotten stronger. I need to save up.

Feeling around.

One of the typical dim sum plates that native and foreign people would consume is the turnip cake. This is personally one of my favorites yet something I rarely get/eat because it’s rather difficult to share among my family. Normally, my mom and dad would either get a piece each while the children get the portions. A month or so ago, my friends and I decided to get some dim sum in Chinatown at San Francisco. Despite the fact that the menu selection was rather limited, it was pleasant to have dim sum with friends for the first time.

So I finally have internet at my apartment but I was kind of dumb to not have brought the AC adapter for the wireless router. As a result, I have to be stuck on the modem with two chairs and a laptop in the livingroom. It’s pretty troublesome especially when I’m eating my mean on my lap and typing on the laptop at the same time, so I anticipate having the AC adapter to arrive soon.

Moving into the apartment was rather hectic yet fun at the same time. It’s nice to know that I used the day at it’s fullest going to different places, buying things, and getting things done. Though at the same time, my parents and I are exhausted by the end of the day and I, unfortunately, that I had to settle sleeping on the floor for two nights. Didn’t mind the first night, but the second night really got to me and my back.

After my parents left to drive to southern California, I realized how lonely and scary it was to be in the apartment by myself. With all the paranoia that accumulated in my mind, I left most of the lights on at night as I walked around the apartment or when I slept at night. Yet still, I still felt a chill up my spine every time I went into another room. To alleviate the nervousness I felt, I would call different people to keep me company.

Feeling around loneliness is kind of interesting. Once you feel it long enough, it starts to strip you from what you guard around yourself. The safety blanket that once kept you warm soon unravels, leaving you cold and vulnerable. Some people I know enjoy the feeling of being alone and being away from the people. I do have to agree, I do enjoy having that alone time reserved for myself to muse about random or serious subjects. Though at the same time, too much of that “alone” time makes me a bit scared, a reason why I wasn’t looking forward to being up here.

Before ending this entry, I would like to recommend Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom to anyone who enjoys short, yet great, reading. I haven’t finished yet (3/4 of the way through), but the book has not failed to impressed me and nearly moves me to tears every time I start reading it. Anyways, I shall continue reading while drinking a delicious watermelon agua de fresca.

Begin

It was only recently that I began to like pastries to go with coffee. Throughout the year, I always like looking at the café while passing by and seeing people relaxing outside while sipping their favorite beverages. The café soon became one of my favorite places to go to to relax and do homework since it was close to the dorms. One of my favorite pastries is the almond croissant since it’s not too sweet or overbearing. I guess what I enjoy alot about Berkeley is doing my homework in a coffee shop during the weekends since I find it much more relaxing and less distracting than in the dorms.

I’ve completed my finals a little more than a week ago and I received my final grades. There’s a little part of me that wants to nudge myself saying that I could have done better that semester considering I was taking less classes but at the same time I should feel content about how I performed. I guess the bright side in it is that my mom was rather content with my results and didn’t say that I couldn’t keep my job, whew. But in the end, I just hope that I can at least improve as each semester progresses to show at least that I have the ability to do better. Though, I’m still rather frustrated with myself that I am still not able to achieve the area that most people are doing. At the same time, I am still content that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

Packing up everything after finals was pretty hectic and saddening. In retrospect, I feel pretty fortunate that I was able to be rather close to the floor, close enough that many of the floormates encouraged to have get together dinners every week. I was a bit surprised that the majority of the floor was anything but emotional, but rather everyone looked forward seeing each other again. In the end, there are two ways to approach this kind of situation, and I’m glad that people took the future more optimistically. However, I’m sure everyone knows in reality most of us will probably drift away. I would be pretty surprised and grateful if I end up being wrong next year.

My summer break week went by really quickly, which is rather sad and irritating. I guess the only thing that I got out of the break was to stay up really late and wake up really late…a habit I never did during college and only do at home. I guess that routine never subsided since I would be drowning myself with tea that would make me wide awake. It was the only time that I was away from my parents too, so I really took my time.

Though, the summer wasn’t very enjoyable since there was alot of stuff to take care of in terms of the apartment that two girls and I are sharing. At first, I thought that the outline of the apartment was finalized and ready to go for me to move in. However, I was soon welcomed with scolding and anger from one of my roommate’s parents, which left me frustrated and unhappy with the result. I have to admit, what I did afterwards was rather immature as well (hanging up in the middle of a videochat),  but I was rather “resentful” of how poorly the whole apartment situation was handled. Luckily, all three of us moved passed it since we had more things to worry about for the apartment.

To be honest, I’m quite excited yet a bit sad to live a new life in an apartment. The great upsides to it is that I’m able to cook and experiment on different dishes rather than settling with the rather bland dorm food. I guess there will also be less distraction in terms of studying, so hopefully my grades will improve? However, it definitely will feel different without all the noise down the halls of the dorms and the accessibility of seeing friends/floormates. But then again, life is always full of compromises.

When the Tide is Rough

The upcoming finals week did not start as auspiciously as I hoped for it to be. In fact, these last unfortunate events even came before the rain. It the weather was supposed to forewarn me of the problems, it is quite late. It is kind of annoying how almost everything bad that happens to me tend to happen on the day it rained. Perhaps that gives me a perfect explanation of why I do not like rain; it makes me paranoid and wet.

Despite the fact that I would love to rant more about my embitterment of the flawed registration system, I will not. Unless you would like to know that your life is not as bad as mine at the moment, feel free if you would like to know if I’m alright. Long story short, I am forbidden to enroll into two prerequisite classes for next semester. Now, the only alternative I have is to take two math classes that I have no knowledge of. Despite the fact that one math class is not related to the other, many people said that they regretted making the decision of taking the harder class before the easier. But whatever, I want to graduate on time.

Boy, has the time passed so quickly that I will soon have to move out the dorms. After staying here for four months now, I really can’t wait to go back home. My brothers just celebrated their birthdays, and it just saddens me that I had to miss it the first time. I stared at the facebook pictures that my brothers posted and I couldn’t help but cry. No, not the teary-eyed kind, more like the water pouring, sniffling, wah-wah kind. What bothers me even more is that I will not be able to see my family for most of the week when I’m at home. Technically, I won’t even be around for a whole weekend since I have to drive up by Sunday. I’ll find that the vacation will be slightly unproductive since I’ll be at home while my brothers and friends are at school and my sister at work. Ah, I will predict that I will be just working for my parents again, making some spare change here and there and come back up. That’s it.

It will be a lonely and short summer.

Warming up.

After being a Cal student for a semester and a half (almost two semesters! wow!), I find that it is VERY rare to have myself free from any homework during the weekends. If you have not heard my utter complaints about the rather long lab reports due every beginning of the week, you are very lucky. This week though, I was free of lab reports, confusing homework problems, and Mastering Physics! Hurrah!

To I guess celebrate for the free time, I decided to go to the dentist. Yeah, very exciting isn’t it? Well my top wisdom teeth decided to come out, which cause massive headaches during the week. Hopefully I will be able to wait it out until the summer and pull them out then instead of having to fly back. Afterwards, Eric and I went to the Berkeley’s Farmers’ Market, where we walked around and looked at all the interesting fruits and $10 orchids. I would have bought the orchids considering their long lifespan and it’s rather cheap price. Unfortunately, I already have a bouquet of real and fake flowers that I can barely find room for. Boo, well I guess I’ll consider buying it for the apartment during the summer.

Anyways, Eric and I later went to Jack London Square in Oakland. I have to say, it was rather uncomfortable walking in an urban area known for its high crime rates. Walking around Jack London Square was quite a pleasant experience, despite its small walking area. The plaza comprises of many fancy restaurants, a yacht showing, and random shops to look around. Eric and I decided to browse around Bevmo! since he wanted to buy another bottle of the Torino syrup to serve italian soda with. Along with that, we also bought some brie cheese and crackers to snack on during the week.

Since last summer, Eric and I have an inside joke where I strip his masculinity by treating him to a meal (typically dinner). Because he owed me about three dinners, he insisted on paying me back. I felt guilty because technically my mother tells mt to treat him as a “thank you” for the many favors that he does for me (such as walking me to the dentist), but it’s rather hard to say no to a persistant person taking me to a nice restaurant. So, we decided to go to Yoshi’s since I was very attracted to their menu the week before.

I was rather amazed how much Eric ordered: four rolls, one seaweed salad, and two desserts. The restaurant overall was delicious, and I was quite amused by the chef torching the salmon on the sushi roll. What bothered me the most in the dishes was a type of flavoring leaf that was used in their salad and in one of their rolls. To me, it tasted rather soapy and reminded me of lavendar tea I had with Ashley back in high school. I was interested in their Japanese/French dessert fusioned crème brûlée filled with red bean filling; though, I felt that the combination did not taste as suitable as a combination of peanut butter and jelly.

This week was rather…uneventful. Actually, no, there was a boat dance yesterday that was pretty fun. The Boat Dance that was hosted by our resident hall program rented a boat that had four floors filled with dance floors and rockband. It reminded me much of the high school dances at home, without the pictures sand corsage. I guess my mother will be happy to know that I wore the winter formal dress from senior year that she made me bring up. I felt a bit overdressed, oh well. What was nice about the event was that the boat actually drove from one side of the San Francisco Bay to the other side, and back; we got to see alot of nice buildings along with Pier 39. It was definitely a nice experience since it’s rather sad to know that college students will rarely ever be invited to these kinds of events.

Gah, I am bothered with my schedule dilemma for next year since I still have yet to fulfill an English requirement that I should get done soon, but my schedule is full as it is. I really want to go to Japan Town tomorrow since that’s another place I still have yet to visit. Though, I should be studying for finals…

The greatest downfall.

I’ll let you in on a little secret that could be apparent to many people.

I have a difficulty trusting people.

Yes yes, those who grew up and burst most of their bubbles of ignorance realized that trusting just anyone is simply gullible. However, whenever I turn the tables to myself, I contemplate and become skeptical whether or not I have completely trusted myself. I guess you can say that’s another complete weakness of me that’s hindering me to become close to a large amount of people. Instead of socializing with a large group, I become more irritated by the noise and rather the “pressure” to talking to everyone. Conversing with a large amount of people in a short time makes conversations rather shallow and curt. I think I mentioned this before, but I’d much prefer having a one-on-one conversation with one or two people than a group.

There are times when I seriously contemplate whether or not I will become a hermit one day, though chances of that is highly unlikely. I wonder how people can stand being alone. Sure, once or twice would be a nice feeling to get away from the noise, but the feeling of loneliness is truthfully unbearable to me.

Short post for this. Kind of my fault since I haven’t really put much thought into this one since I’ve been pushing my thoughts away for this. I may extend this later.

Music=Life.

This is a rather long list of the first fifteen songs that has been playing on my EmoDio Studio music, a survey that I found in Ken’s blog (I didn’t want to go up to twenty…took too long just doing fifteen). Weren’t you surprised that you didn’t hear iTunes? I am Apple free, for now (I only insert this because I can’t predict what my future purchases are.).

15. 讓我歡喜讓我憂 – 周華健(30 plays)

This is a classic song that my parents used to play and sing a lot when I was a kid. Good stuff.

14. 弦子 – 不得不愛 (31 plays)

I find it rather ironic that this song was immensly popular in the Chinese entertainment rather than that of Korea. Little did I know that the song was originally created from artists in Korea, but failed to hit the top lists. Anyways, I remembered how people found it rather amazing that I could (I don’t know now) hit the girl’s part rather easily. It’s good practice I guess.

13. Utada Hikaru – Beautiful World (32 plays)

Ah, Utada Hikaru…I actually was never a huge fan of hers and I only liked her really old song “First Love.” Though I do respect her alot and admire her for her vocal talents. I heard that her English album came out not too long ago too. Anyways, I heard that this song was created for the Evangelion movie that was released a little more than a year ago, which led me to like this song alot more. I was a huge fan of Evangelion, but I’m still rather tramautized from the End of Evangelion movie. Even after recovering from that movie six years ago (gosh, I’m old), I still don’t think I can handle watching the movie again.

12. 五月天 – 垃圾車 (‘07 最夠朋友版) (32 plays)

Haha, the garbage car. This song is so cute and reassuring, especially the part where the singer mentions the happy song that the garbage car makes in Taiwan. I actually like the version of this song more since it’s much more upbeat and happy than the original. Ah, this song makes me feel rather nostalgic.

11. Epik High – 1분 1초 (33 plays)

Third Epik High and just as great. I used to like Fallin’ from this album alot until Tablo’s “Fallin’ DeepAH and DeepAH” was getting annoying to the point that Erica and I would mock it whenever this song played. I definitely recommend watching the music video on this song, the reverse playing is really cool!

10. 周杰倫 – 女兒紅 (33 plays)

Now the number of plays is getting close. Anyways, another good song of Jay Chou. Sadly I just noticed that I have alot of Jay Chou songs in this list (3 in the top 10, wow).

09. Younha – Comet (35 plays)

I remembered hearing the Japanese version of this song when I was into Bleach for a short period of time, but I think the Korean version sounds much better. Comet’s lyrics flows better with the melody, and it’s a good song while jogging. Everytime I hear this song, I feel like I’m running through an endless, but fun journey.

08. 周杰倫 (Jay Chou) – 簡單愛 (37 plays)

This song is so old, but it’s just a classic. I remember Eric Lee always laughing at the music video because Jay looked like a pedophile in the movie. Oh well, the song has a nice beat to it and nice to hear in the car.

07. Epik High – 우산 – Feat. 윤하 (Umbrella – Feat. Younha) (38 plays)

Another great song from Epik High’s album, featuring one of Korea’s famous female singers. I was pretty surprised how well they collaborated the song, and it fitted them pretty well. This might be off subject, but I was unaware of Younha’s struggles to sing in Korea until Eric explained it to me during the summer. Though, I think she’s definitely better looking than I am, haha.

06. 林俊傑 (JJ Lin) – 黑武士 (39 plays)

Sadly, this is probably the only song that I really liked in this new album. To put this blunt, I did not like his album at all. I tried REALLY HARD to like some of his songs, but alot of it was just terrible. He raps alright, but it’s pretty easy to see that he’s trying to hard to get with the music trend in Asia and abruptly abandoned almost all his originality. I was really disappointed in this, and I was quite glad that I didn’t go to the concert. I didn’t even bother trying, it wasn’t worth losing my Christmas holiday.

05. 李聖傑 (Sam Lee) – 最近 (43 plays)

I remember this song played alot randomly at Sandra’s karoake station while the group slept over. Little did I know how catchy it was and how twisted and sad the music video was. Though, I still think the female character in that music video is rather demented and obsessive with her boyfriend. Sam Lee does a great job singing sad love songs, which usually follows a trend where he can’t do enough for his love and the relationship is slowly, and surely, falling apart. His lyrics depicts the slow pain that people experience with a relationship, which is hardly shown from other artists. He’s an artist I actually respect over the years, and continues to make great songs and resists the shallow pop songs that Asia has been releasing lately.

04. Jason Mraz – I’m Yours (47 plays)

This is also another song that I really liked for a period of time during first semester, most likely because alot of students had a Jason Mraz phase since he performed at Berkeley. I actually only have the newer version that came out last year, but the older one is just as great. I remember when my floormates actually had time to walk 15 minutes to eat at Clark Kerr campus, Erica and I would skip and sing that song together while Shark and Geoff would give us funny faces.

03. Epik High – One (57 plays)

Whoa, huge gap. I’m surprised that this song isn’t at least in the top one or two songs. This song has been my ringtone for almost a year now, and I continue to love the song alot. I remember I was too embarrassed to put it as my ringtone in the beginning since my sister would always make fun of the song, especially when Jisun starts singing in the chorus. It is a great song, finally a song with good beats and lyrics that actually mean something.

02. 周杰倫 (Jay Chou) – 稻香(115 plays)

When this album came out, I was in love with this song along with 女兒紅 (which is also listed here) for quite a while. While I was in the library studying for midterms, I would bob my head back and forth while watching the music video. I guess it’s good that Jay Chou is trying to promote being home more often to the young generation.

01. Sky Wu – 分享 (127 plays)

Wow, I’m rather surprised how many times this song actually played. Sadly, every time I play this song, I remember the times when my floormates and I would spend endless hours on the Word Challenge game on Facebook. For some odd reason, this song was able to make me concentrate. The flowy melody and soft beats makes this old song rather fresh and relaxing.