I miss you so.

Not in the mood to post and upload some cute or delicious picture of food.
Not in the mood to talk, rant, or describe about food.
I’m having a hard time to smile genuinely.
I’m having a hard time to keep myself together today.
I need a hug.

Earlier today, I noticed that I don’t have any pictures of my grandfather in my files. I guess that’s pretty common since most of us teenagers are more conscious about our image view from Facebook or the pictures that are posted up containing memories of high school or birthday parties with our peers. However, I found that every year, that the images or moments of him never fade away on September 23. I’m surprised that after five years so many of those memories that I had wouldn’t go away. Knowing myself, memories to mind are ephemeral little pieces that I would rarely ever recall. I guess this goes for short that if you are someone REALLY important to me or have really affected my outlook in life in someway, you would be remembered as well. If not, try try again.

Today, I looked back into my past blogs that I have neglected for about four years, which included two accounts of livejournal and blogspot. I noticed that I blogged about this day for the most part, although I am a bit disappointed that I did miss it once for something so trivial. As I read the past entries about my father, hot tears rolled down my eyes and it wouldn’t stop.

I slowly noticed that I talk less about school, which I guess shows that I have something more to talk about rather than complaining endlessly about tests or teachers. For the most part, I blogged about September 23rd five years ago. Though, I think this time I’ll try recalling all the times when my grandfather was still alive, which may more of an emotional reason as to why I still think of him.

There are many instance when I would tell people that my grandfather was much like a second father to me. After my grandparents moved to their own apartment, my parents would take us to their house every weekend without fail. A little selfish child I was, I despised coming to their apartment everyday and wanted to eat something more than the simplistic and repeated meals that my family had for dinner. I stared in disgust the white radishes that my grandparents left to dry for my grandma since she made this chili radish that my dad only likes. Now, I miss that side dish so much. Since pickling and drying is a bit troublesome and meticulous for my aging grandmother, she rarely ever makes it for her herself or us unless she has the energy to. Really, you can’t find something like her dish anywhere else. If it is, it is either too spicy, sour, or salty to eat that one would have to gorge chunks of rice to neutralize the flavor. My grandmother makes it perfectly. At each bite you would hear the crunch along with chili hitting your tongue, with a little touch of sweetness in the end. Many of the afternoons I would see my grandfather help her make the spicy radishes by chopping up and drying the radishes individually.

Surprisingly, my grandparents were pretty motivated to learn English despite the fact that they knew they were growing senile. My sister and I would poke fun at my grandfather because there were some words that would cause his dentures to fall out. There were many times my sister and I would make him recite some sea animals in English. One particular word, “lobster,” would always make his dentures pop out of his mouth, which always made me and my sister laugh. “Fish” and “crab” always came into mind, though they were never as good as the classic “lobster” joke.

I don’t quite remember if it was during the summer or during the weekend but I alway remembered having to go on the Foothill Transit with my grandfather and my sister to the Hong Kong Supermarket in Rowland Heights. After shopping, my sister and I would always buy a bag of these Japanese grape gummies that we would eat them while waiting for the bus to arrive. There was also another time when my grandpa bought a huge watermelon that he had to double bag it to insure it wouldn’t break open while we were walking back to his apartment. Unfortunately, it did and he ended up chasing after it as it rolled downhill. My sister and I never stop joking about that.

Food is one of the primary things that always reminds me of my grandfather, especially sugar-coated donuts and cough drops. Weird combination? Perhaps. My grandfather would always buy a bag of his favorite cough drops which he gave us as candy in his clear container. It was the Ricola Original Herb flavor that always had that sweet peppermint taste which I would argue is the most refreshing cough drop for the sore throat. Also, every weekend when my siblings and I would come over he would always have a dozen donuts ready him to stuff us in. Donut King was the place where he always bought it at, which was walking distance from his apartment, though I never knew why he never liked any of the other flavors like glazes or chocolate frosting. I guess repeating the same flavor though did remind me of him and how we would make a mess since the sugar would get everywhere.

Although my grandpa was not the most gentle person in the world nor was he the most patient, I still think I learned so much from him that I would never had from someone else. I miss him and it’s hard to believe to see how much I’ve grown since he left. Though my mom always reminds me that he’s at a better place and that things are going to turn out for the good. Despite the fact that I did horribly and terribly bad on the midterm, I’ll try believing her. Until then, grandfather, there was never time that I did forget you and there are so many things that will always remind me of you and the days that you were here. I’m just glad that you’re not suffering anymore, but I’m just afraid of forgetting you. I think the reason why I cry so much is that I don’t want to forget you, but I think I’ll one day inevitably will. I’ll come visit you when I’m back home. I’m sorry that we haven’t visited you much, but I hope you know that we still think of you and we miss you very much.

Good night.

Feeling the burn.

This petite, dainty, and decorative dessert may be misleading. During the adventure with Eric at Pier 39, we were captivated by the color and cuteness of a store named “Kara’s Cupcakes.” With our stomachs slightly growling at 6 o’clock in the chilly evening, we immediately came in to try out the adorable cupcakes that were neither too plump nor too small to our eyes. As simplistic as I am, I purchased the pristine “Sweet Vanilla” that I would rely on as being an ubiquitous choice. It would also have been a pain if I bought a flavor I didn’t like and pay $3 for something I would gag on.

After taking the first few bites, I realized that the sprinkles made the cupcake alot more difficult and messy to eat, as though they each had an attraction to my lips. With a mess on the brightly colored table and crumbs all over my lap, I slowly licked all the different places that the frosting scattered. It was the same on Eric’s end as well, apparantly cupcakes are alot harder to eat than it did when I was a kid. The cupcake was pleasantly rich and moist, giving off this sweet yet light scent at eat bite. The sprinkles were quite crunchy as well, which gave a wonderful texture complementing with the soft vanilla cake. Although I did feel congested after eating it, it was still a joy to have during the time. Hmm, this is really making me want to eat another one right now…

School has been the usual, although it’s never really the “usual” anymore since there are always spontaneous moments that happen when you least expect them. What’s even more surprising is when you witness an unexpected miracle at the most hopeless situation. Normally, you would see me have a Mickey Mouse lanyard hanging around my jeans while I’m walking around campus, which contained my dorm room keys and my 2GB flash drive. After lab, that handy dandy strap wasn’t hanging around my keys, so I called Erica to see if I left it in the room. Unexpectedly, the secure and common answer that I would get from her is, “yes,” which lead me to be even more worried when she replied back saying that she didn’t. I quickly walked back with my floormates to the hall. Into the room, I emptied out my backpack, pulled aside my bedsheets, and looked for any other place that I could have possibly left it.

It wasn’t there.

Panicked, I along with my floormates retraced my steps around my typical Monday mornings till my last class. After scanning through the roads and the four different halls, my hopes for my key to be randomly found grew thin and I considered to pay for a new key. However, things started to turn up when a girl in Pimental Hall pointed out that she saw a post-it note near the bathroom reporting a lost key. I immediately ran to that area and called the number that was written on the note. Luckily, the girl who found it was still in campus. In the end, my friends stared at me in awe because I was walking around campus either jumping in joy or just yelling out that my key was found. Despite the fact that I have a somewhate cynical view to human nature, the girl who was nice enough to return the key (and the 2GB flash!) shows that there are some good in the world.

It’s funny that alot of my classmates in high school are starting school during the time when I have midterms in Berkeley. That’s lame.

Lately, Erica and I have been going down to the main Unit 1station to the fitness areas. Considering that I haven’t worked out for almost 3 years, running on the treadmill for 1.6 miles was tiring. Every morning, Erica and I groan in pain every morning because our legs feel so tight after a good exercise the night before. I realized the ellipticals make you sound like you ran much farther than you actually did in comparison to the treadmill. I guess in a way that boosts you self-esteem, thinking that you’re able to run much farther than you think. (The cake is a lie, says Shark)

Yeah, Shark wanted to add a little comment. Supposedly it’s related to the computer game, Portal, so if anyone gets this, please explain it to me! Yeah, my floormate’s name is Shark, isn’t that interesting? It’s amusing seeing people having to ask his name again because they’re in disbelief that he’s named after a fish.

It’s been a while.

The word “guppy’s” was repeated quite a couple of times during the last year of high school, especially through my sister. Anyways, the name popped up again in Hacienda Heights nearby my grandmother’s apartment. Because it was deemed, I guess, “popular”, I decided to give it a try since they were known for their shaved ice. I invited Clarice and Eric over since we were going to get together. Pictured here is the strawberry and mango combination, though there were bananas in there too because the lady gave us the wrong order. Anyways, I was shocked how large the portion was for a “small.” I couldn’t imagine two people (as they recommended) to finish that size. Despite the fact that each of us had to pay about $4 each, it was rather decent. Though, I still rather eat the old fashioned shaved ice in Taiwan where they added red bean or green beans.

Long time no see? I guess you can say that since I haven’t updated for a while. I’m currently in Berkeley, and school started since the end of August. Ironically, the weather here in the beginning wasn’t as different as the weather in Walnut. Disappointed, I stuck with my shorts and walked around the campus with a back soaked with sweat. Classes were alot farther than I expected, though I shouldn’t complain since there were many other campuses down at SoCal that must be bigger. That just goes to show that I have poor health!

Currently, the weather is much cooler. It was weird seeing that one day is was blazing hot and the day after it was immediately cold and windy. Many people got sick because of that, which sucked since I think I caught a small bug. Luckily, Eric took me around some supermarkets so that I would be able to buy some lemons and honey to make some hot lemon juice for my throat. That remedy has been around me since I was small, so it did make me a bit homesick for a while.

Speaking of homesick, I am terribly nostalgic at the moment and I miss my family and friends down at Walnut. Since this weekend is the Chinese Moon Festival, I’m missing out on some family time and the best part, moon cakes! Hopefully Erica will be able to get some from her relatives at San Jose. I envy her since she has some relatives around. Unlike her, many of mine are either down at southern California or at Taiwan. Whenever I browse around Facebook, I see pictures of my friends who haven’t started school yet and already going out everyday. In retrospect, I ended up regretting not going as much during the summer since I don’t have that time anymore to spend time with friends until winter break.

However, Berkeley is not as bad as I am describing right now. At the moment, the weather is quite comfortable and beautiful. From my dorm room window, if you look towards your right, you can get a glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge at the bay. It’s amazing, especially at night since you see it glowing. During the weekends, I’m able to go out to alot of places thanks to the BART. My goodness, life would be quite boring if the BART wasn’t there. Anyways, I’ve been to San Francisco a couple of times, the bay, Fremont, and Hayward. I had a few adventures here and there that involved alot of walking. Yay for exercising.

College is definitely different from home, but it’s nice to have the independence to study and go out at whatever that fits your schedule. Until then, we’ll see when’s the next time I’ll update this. Time for laundry!